Sunshine and Birds

I should be out there somewhere, enjoying the sun and nature. I should not be cooped up here in my room getting depressed about how my life is turning into. I should be running around the park chasing butterflies, I should be rowing a boat and laughing at myself for not being able to row myself back to the dock, I should be doing anything other than wallowing in self-pity. I get depressed 24/7 and I should just snap out of it.

A lot of people are jobless for months and years. I only have been unemployed for two months. I am trying my best to find a job. I should be viewing this situation as something I have faced proactively since I haven't been just waiting for miracles to happen. I have forwarded my resumes, applied to several companies and I am presently waiting for their reply.

Somehow, the non-response so far is getting me down. I appreciate the sun but I can't bring myself to think positive. Will I inevitably end up with the companies that I have dreaded to belong to? I am still hopeful but the glass is half-empty. I should just listen to that bird chirping by my window but somehow I can't find the inspiration to find that chirp melodious. I find it irritating, noisy and mocking. It seems to be saying, "You are just so confident, weren't you? You just have to tell everybody that your degree will land you a job with an impressive title. You just have to be so reassuring, weren't you? Where are you now? Where's the confidence now, loser?"

C'mon. Where is a slingshot when you need one? Dammit.

Barely Breathing

17 March 2010

endless nights
blinding lights
sparkling tears
bright moonlight

hold your breath
let it out
calm your heart
rest your fears

say it once
say it twice
think of it
put it behind

try to sleep
leave it behind
find yourself
lost in dreams

not for you
just for them

Up, up and Away

29 July 2010

Just pull the trigger, kill the man

I know it's a bullet from my gun

But use it wisely, aim and shoot

Kill the man and grab the loot

I wish life was that exciting

But I always am nothing

Always in my comfort zone

Never left unsafe, alone

So I packed my bags, got ready to go

I'm scared shitless but I won't say no

Said goodbye to only a few

I don't know if I can make it past a week or two

Said goodbye to only a few

Just so only a few know if I failed my plan

Just so there are only a few fears for me, too

Just so a few would be happy that I'm gone

Back in Town

I'm back in town

For a few days now

Here and there

But still somehow

Things are different

Yet they stayed the same

I only got myself to blame

23 August 2010

Friends are here

And some are moving

Some are busy

Some have forgotten

I guess it's just a price to pay

After I tried to run away

I'm back in town

Here, back home

Some are here

But they'll soon move on

The town's a ghost

It haunts me

Yet I'm back

Maybe this time...I'll stay.